Larry The Cable Guy, some weird faced snobby girl, Jenny McCarthy, Julia Roberts’ brother. A comedy where a sheriff rescues a woman from a kidnapping.
Seriously, who gives Larry the Cable Guy the means to continue making crappy movies and comedy specials? Are retarded people even allowed to leave their retarded villages to go to the movies? It’s not so much that Larry the Cable Guy isn’t funny, which he isn’t, but it’s the fact that he isn’t even from the south. Sorry to burst your bubble but he’s some yankee from Nebraska who probably drove a hybrid car and farts away from public after he eats his tofu patties. He is fat though. And probably has diabetes. He probably also beats his wife to get into “character.” And I bet he smells like a wet dog.
A drama based on Mark David Chapman, the guy that killed John Lennon.
So it seems the hip thing to do is dramatize the killing of John Lennon. There’s this, and whatever that movie Jared Leto was in where his research for the role was eating whole pizzas in one sitting. Did anyone see that movie? “Not I,” said the swan. I know it’s cliche’ now, but I hate Jared Leto. He’s basically hooked up with every female celebrity any heterosexual male would want to take out for crab legs, and he’s still a douche magnet. And what about that band 30 Seconds to Mars? They sound like two cats having tea. Granted, he’s been in some good movies, but only in supporting roles where he gets mauled by bears or axes. And ‘Requiem for a Dream’ doesn’t count because the star was the story. The star definitely wasn’t that Wayans brother. When are they stars? And Jared Leto was in ‘Panic Room.’ With dreads in his stupid hair. With Forrest Whitaker. Who won an Oscar. But not for that. Anywho, I’m sure that movie was stupid, and this is going to be stupid, but not as stupid as Jared Leto.
Comedian Doug Benson smokes marijuana for 30 days and documents it. A takeoff of ‘Supersize Me.’ Get it? Brian Posehn is in this too.
This is probably not going to be a real movie, but it would be a good idea. I, for one, would like to know the effects of marijuana and how much fatter Doug Benson is going to get by eating exorbitant amounts of Little Debbie snack cakes.
Keira Knightley, Ralph Fiennes, a historical drama on the duchess of Devonshire.
Basically, this is as boring as it sounds. If Keira Knightley doesn’t get naked then you’d be better off watching that guy on the Discovery Channel fight off wild animals whilst he eats bugs. If she does get naked, then it might be worth sitting through 45 minutes of British pompous Tori Amos hair dialog. You need to weigh your options. Granted, she’s hot. But also granted, she has the body of my gym partner Joel. He’s about 75 pounds soaking wet, but I’ve never weighed him soaking wet so I’m basing it all on hearsay.
A bank robbery based on a true story starring Jason Statham and Saffron Burrows.
When this trailer started, I was like “oh I don’t care.” And now that it’s over I’m like “I still don’t care.” So why am I wasting my time writing about this trailer? Because it involves a sex tape showing the boobies of a princess, and oh how I do love boobies. But I’ve never seen British boobies, they may have moles and coffee stained teeth on them.
Some girl from the south moves to New York and falls in love with some random dude on the subway.
This looks like the most boring romance movie of all time and I’ve seen almost everything Kate Hudson has done. To punch this up, they should have met in a Subway restaurant instead of the subway. They could have had product placement and fed the crew with Bacon-Ranch-and Swisses. Jared could have done a cameo where he plays the creepy guy at Table 3 who eats Turkey on Wheat, hold the cheese. They could have shared a meatball sub and reenacted ‘Lady and the Tramp.’ I have more ideas but they all continue to involve sub sandwiches.
The restricted trailer for the ABA basketball comedy starring Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson, Andy Richter, Will Arnett, and others.
There’s nothing purer than a dick joke in comedy. Dicks are topical, they’ve been around for at least 60 years to my knowledge, they’re funny looking, and they don’t like controversy. If dick jokes tell you how successful your movie is going to be, then ‘Semi-Pro’ is going to be huge. Like my dick.
Merry Christmas from all of us at A Trailer Park. We hope you received everything you asked Santa for this year, excluding that bionic hip. Suck it up hippie. You can’t be part robot. If you’re gonna watch any movie this season, make it Christmas Vacation starring Chevy Chase… and others. Enjoy the key lime pie. There’s poison in it. Happy holidays.
Happy almost-your-birthday Jesus. What do you get the holy ghost who has everything? I’d say a tie as a joke. Or maybe the head of a horse if I’m pissed at Him. If I had to watch a movie with Him though, It would definitely be ‘Christmas Vacation.’ Since I’m saving that trailer for tomorrow, it would have to be ‘A Christmas Story’ instead. Later tonight you’re going to get sick of it anyway since your sister’s kid likes to watch it 6 times straight and it’s a felony to hit him.