Colin Farrell, Ralph Fiennes, some fat guy, a midget, a dark comedy drama.
If I was to give a synopsis of this movie, I would say that it basically is just a bunch of English people with thick accents saying the “F” word a lot and threatening to shoot everybody. I won’t give you that synopsis though, but I will say that they somehow found the weirdest looking midget I have ever seen in my life and I have seen a lot of midgets. This is a midget that other midgets make fun of. This midget is called midget by midgets that think the word midget is derogatory. To sum up, I think he has a foot for a forehead.
Joseph Fiennes, Dennis Haysbert, a film based on the memoirs of Nelson Mandela’s prison guard.
For the four of you that read this website, it is rare when I come out and say that you shouldn’t see this movie, but I’m saying don’t see this movie. Did it strike you funny seeing how a prison guard and a great soon-to-be world leader become friends and the guard does nothing to even attempt his escape? Well Wikipedia the book and you will find out that the author-prison guard is a liar and faked a friendship in the book to make money off Mandela’s name. See, your instincts are good. Except for that time you left your dog Luigi in the car when you had to buy some ointment for your rash at Costco but the line was too long and when you came back Luigi was dead and you had to tell your 7 year old that you gave him to some farmer so he could roam free even though you have a giant back yard. Your kid is gonna be addicted to meth because of that.
John C. Reilly, Jenna Fischer, Kristen Wiig, a bunch of celebrity cameos in a parody comedy.
This looks better than the other one at least. But how could somebody mock Johnny Cash months after he died? Like if the guy from Nickelback died and they made a joke movie about him, I’d be fine with it. I’d even star as him since I have pasty skin and a mullet and write lyrics like a mentally retarded person. But I don’t condone Johnny Cash mockery right now. If you want indie rock cred, you have to pretend to like him even if you think he only knew four chords on the guitar and he didn’t write very many songs, and the ones he did write weren’t as good as the ones Kris Kristofferson wrote for him. How dare you John C. Reilly. How dare you.
Mary-Louise Parker, the kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, David Strathairn in some fantasy adventure about a book I’ve never heard of.
So some bad kid reads a book and falls head first into a fantasy world and probably becomes a good kid from all the lessons he’s learned. In real life, I think people like him stay bad and shoot famous people like John Lennon and Ronald Reagan. They also have no friends because they are the only people that see invisible talking pigs.
A documentary on anti-war protesters of the 1968 Democratic Convention, but with animation and celebrity voices including Hank Azaria, Nick Nolte, Mark Ruffalo.
For most documentaries, all you need is archival footage and interview subjects. This trailer has that, and it looked pretty cool. But apparently that wasn’t enough, and they wanted to spiff it up with animation and celebrity voices. Who came up with this idea? I want them to get leprosy and then get into a time machine and be shunned by 1700’s society.
Abigail Breslin, Joan Cusack, Chris O’Donnell, a children’s mystery.
It was just yesterday when Abigail Breslin was that cute child in Little Miss Sunshine who everybody loved. Well I think she’s 38 now and in that Dakota Fanning stage of being kind of annoying. My, how time flies. Abigail Breslin is the shining example of our school system today. Everybody loves kids until they hit 4th grade and get cocky, and then they become cocky adults and then they pull out in front of you while you’re driving or get your order wrong at Arby’s. I wanted curly fries idiot.
Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Sutherland, an action-adventure romance.
It looks like Matthew McConaughey got to play himself in this one: a tan southern surfer who has no redeeming quality in the world but for having sex with numerous women and walking around without a shirt on. I’m not going to knock him for it because I tried to be Matthew McConaughey for a day and all I got out of it was sun poisoning and a bunch of girl’s tell me that I was fat.
Happy Thanksgiving from all of us at A Trailer Park. We hope you’re stuffing your faces with turkey and enjoying your step dad tell you that you’re going to make nothing of yourself. To recap, you’re fat and from an abusive family. Anywho, without further ado, the best Thanksgiving film of all time, starring Steve Martin and John Candy, directed by John Hughes… Planes, Trains, & Automobiles.
Patrick Dempsey, Michelle Monaghan, a comedy about a boy made of honor.
Movies like this are the reason gay people can’t get married, and black people can’t drink from the same water fountains as us. This trailer is basically 2 minutes of stereotypes rolled up into a cutesy-tutesy romantic comedy package. Well let me tell you one thing Patrick ‘McDonald’s’ Dempsey, I’m not going to stand for it. I’m boycotting this film, and so are my drinking buddies and Thursday night poker group. Granted, probably 80 million girls are going to see this for your ocean blue eyes and winning personality, but just remember, I’ll be watching you. Just kidding, I won’t. Grey’s Anatomy is a chick show.