September 24, 2007

Trailers: Wristcutters: A Love Story

Patrick Fugit, Shannyn Sossamon, a comedy road trip.

For a film called Wristcutters, you’d think there’d be some actual wrist cutting in the trailer. Maybe the wrist cutting is just for the people who’ve sat through this.

September 22, 2007

Trailers: The Final Season

Sean Astin, Rachael Leigh Cook, some generic sports movie.

If you find an inspirational story in high school baseball players trying to stop urban sprawl in their town, you are an idiot.

September 21, 2007

Trailers: Southland Tales

The Rock, Seann William Scott, Justin Timberlake, Sarah Michelle Gellar, 8 thousand other people, in Richard Kelly’s new film.

You would think that since he was the director of Donnie Darko, Richard Kelly would have a little pull to get some good actors in his new film. But instead he gets The Rock, Mandy Moore, 7 people from early 90’s Saturday Night Live, 1 from Mad TV, and the guy from Night Court. It makes one wonder if he actually had cast Patrick Swayze in that ironic has-been role, or if he really thought that Ghost had just come out.


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September 20, 2007

Trailers: The Strangers

Liv Tyler, Scott Speedman, a horror film.

So the big buzz rumor about this generic horror film is that the killers had no motive, and it’s loosely based on real events. People are also speculating as to why Liv Tyler killed her career.

Trailers: Control

Biopic of Ian Curtis from the band Joy Division.

I don’t want to ruin this for you, but he dies at the end. Oh, and if you haven’t seen Ray yet, he’s blind.

Trailers: P.S., I Love You

Hilary Swank, Gerard Butler, Lisa Kudrow, Kathy Bates, Harry Connick Jr., a romantic comedy.

Ah, Gerard Butler goes from being every man’s hero to a creepy husband who sends his wife letters from the dead. I can relate, but my “dead” is actually “divorced”, and my “letters” are just goat’s blood painted on her car instructing her to give me the dog back. Do you know how hard it is to find goat’s blood nowadays?

September 19, 2007

Trailers: Rails & Ties

Clint Eastwood’s daughter’s directorial debut, Kevin Bacon, Marcia Gay Harden, a movie about trains.

If Kevin Bacon hit my mom with a train, I wouldn’t ask him to be my dad.*

*This sentence denotes no sexual euphemisms.

Trailers: The Counterfeiters

German film, based on a true story.

The old adage is that Jewish people have money. This trailer eludes that they make it themselves. And the Hollywood twist is that they also make it for Hitler.

September 18, 2007

Trailers: Enchanted

A new Disney fairy tale, Amy Adams, Patrick Dempsey, James Marsden, Susan Sarandon.

Apologies for bursting Disney’s bubble with this new fangled idea of mixing animation with live action, but Who Framed Roger Rabbit? has been done before. And does anybody remember Cool World starring Brad Pitt and Kim Basinger? Or that Paula Abdul music video with the wolf? Or Elizabeth Taylor’s face?

Trailers: Weirdsville

Scott Speedman, Wes Bentley, Taryn Manning, in some kind of film.

Hey Weirdsville, the 1960’s called and they want their idea for doing films while high back.



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