August 21, 2007

Trailers: I’m Not There

Bob Dylan biopic. Richard Gere, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett

It’s gonna be hard to masturbate to Cate Blanchett in this one.

August 20, 2007

Trailers: Horton Hears a Who

Jim Carrey and Steve Carell’s voices.

Dr. Seuss is rolling over in his grave, from all the money he could be making right now. Oh, and the fact that this looks like the most boring animation ever since Joan Rivers’ face.

Trailers: Alvin and the Chipmunks

Alvin, Simon, Theodore, and Jason Lee.

I remember reading somewhere a while back, where Jason Lee was quoted as saying he wanted to do meatier roles akin to Daniel Day Lewis. Glad to see that’s working out for him.


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August 19, 2007

Trailers: Things We Lost in the Fire

Halle Berry, Benicio Del Toro, David Duchovny, a drama.

If I died, I would smile down from heaven knowing that my best friend is having sex with her. Because they deserve each other. By the way, I saw you guys flirting at the company barbecue. You weren’t fooling anyone. With your jokes. And your touchings. I WILL HAUNT YOU, VILE WENCH!

Trailers: 3:10 to Yuma

Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, and Peter Fonda western.

At first glance I was like “hey, thats Peter Fonda, he was in Easy Rider.” And then I thought “hey, this looks like Easy Rider just with horses.” And then I thought “hey, Peter Fonda isn’t dead yet?” And then I thought, “hey, I want to eat a sandwich.”

August 17, 2007

Trailers: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

John C. Reilly and basically every comedian out today.

“John C. Reilly can do no wrong.” This is the sentence I would still be making if this movie had never been made.

August 15, 2007

Trailers: The Hunting Party

Richard Gere, Terrence Howard, and the guy from Thumbsucker.

The title for this denotes hunting and a party. The content is not that.

Trailers: Resurrecting the Champ

Samuel L. Jackson as a former boxer slash homeless man. Josh Hartnett is a writer.

This trailer is a public service announcement urging you not to listen to your local area homeless man, and then write an article about him, and then trust him enough to bring him around your kid. And what’s with Samuel L.’s voice, it’s like he missed the perfect opportunity to be a voice on children’s puppet shows.

August 14, 2007

Trailers: My Kid Could Paint That

A young child becomes the next Picasso, but not without controversy.

I don’t see what the big deal is here. My daughter paints things like that on our wall all the time, and then I punch her in the face.

Trailers: The Nines

Ryan Reynolds and Hope Davis in a Horror movie, I think.

This trailer elicits so many genres that it could be a historical documentary about the Kennedy assassination for all I know. I bet you get to see nine Ryan Reynolds with their shirts off all at once though. Word also has it that in preparation to play a schizophrenic, he went into a long, torrid love affair with Alanis Morissette. Isn’t it ironic that Dave Coulier also dated her to prepare for his role of a gay Canadian who wears loud shirts.



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