The 87th Halloween sequel, directed by Rob Zombie.
Going to a Halloween sequel is like being a battered wife. They keep saying it’ll be different, but whenever you go back, Billy still smacks you in the face with a tire iron if there’s too much paprika in the pork stew. Not this time Billy!
Some generic horror movie.
Instead of telling people what this movie’s about, this trailer gives people brain aneurysms. You’re welcome.
Wes Anderson, Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, Jason Slaberhuzen.
Oh goody, another Wes Anderson movie. You know what that means, 4 indie films snobs will watch this and masturbate while listening to their Elliot Smith records, and the rest of the world will find nothing redeeming whatsoever about this movie yet still pretend that they think it’s cool so they’re seen as “hip”.
Some people and a dolphin.
So the movie industry has decided to take a film idea, say a romantic comedy where some girl falls in love with a rebellious motorcycle driving cigarette smoking leather jacket wearing high schooler that her dad doesn’t want her to see, and then just switches him out for a dolphin.
Simon Pegg.
When one hears of a comedic film with the words “Fat Boy” in it, one tends to get exciting when one enjoys such fodder at the expense of obese persons. Well, it doesn’t even look like fat people are in this, or that it’s even a comedy.
Mary McCormack in a thriller.
If my wife was outside my house when there was a gas leak, I would do the same thing. Except I would shoot her if she broke a window. Because as my father always told me, “you don’t break windows, you break your mother’s head with bullets.”
People from Reno 911 and other people whose names I don’t know.
This movie is what would happen if Christopher Guest decided “hmmm I want to make a movie that is worse than For Your Consideration and cast a Brett Butler look a like and that black guy from Reno 911″ and then decide to fart directly into the camera.
Martin Scorsese, The Rolling Stones.
Let me save you the trouble and just tell you what this will be about. Two hours of boring concert footage with four gay skeletons wearing human skin coats, and spliced in footage of a tiny Italian guy running around snorting coke. I should also note that Christina Aguilera debuts as herself in the role of Hooker #1.
Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, Meryl Streep. Peter Sarsgaard
Finally, a film that puts torturing foreigners into a positive light.
Tommy Lee Jones, Susan Surandon, and Charlize Theron.
The thing that makes Tommy Lee Jones such a good actor is the fact that he always plays the same part in every movie he’s ever been in.